if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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