Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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