this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
