Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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