Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
