dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize