I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
