How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
