Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize