she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
