I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
