If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
