we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
