I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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