It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
