nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
