call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The air taste purple.
Randomize
