All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
