her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
