Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
