i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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