insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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