Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Farmville is her only friend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
