End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
