for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize