Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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