During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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