Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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