your parents love me but you hate me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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