Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
