we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize