I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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