ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
