How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
