I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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