So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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