i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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