I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
