OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
