i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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