I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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