think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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