First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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