Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
