I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
