I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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