I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
