walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
