sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
