There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
