Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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