I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she told me i tasted like america
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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