Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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