you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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