We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
