Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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