So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
