Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
