just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
