I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
