He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
