I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
