I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
