Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
