We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
