you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
