The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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